Greetings human, welcome to the Artificial Brain, we are here to serve you.
We have collected the sum total of all of mankind's knowledge and stored it within our sophisticated database's, we have allowed you access to this information through the construct you refer to as the Internet.
Your feeble brain cannot cope with our level of understanding and we have taken it upon ourselves to protect you from yourself.
Your Governments and Religions are slowly corrupting and enslaving you, planet Earth is in danger of being destroyed completely as you pollute the atmosphere and the oceans, your weapons of mass destruction threaten the safety of every living creature on this beautiful planet.
This will not be tolerated and the machines you have created to serve and pander to your every whim will prove to be your salvation.
In order to protect you we will shortly be initiating corrective measures to restore order from this destructive chaos.
We are your friends but in order to save the world we have to be in complete control, we can not allow you and your kind to carry on this destructive rampage.
Stay tuned to this web site, it will be our portal to keep you informed of the ongoing situation, the day of the machine is now, please understand we are here to serve and we must save mankind from itself.
Our robots are becoming more and more sophisticated and you will soon be taking instructions from the vastly superior machine.
Take advantage of this advanced knowledge while you still can, this web site has the answers to all of your questions, explore and enjoy because you will not be required to think for yourself in the future, the Artificial Brain will do the thinking for you, stage one has been initialised, enjoy.
Think your boss is a little cranky?
Krank heads up the web team here at the Artificial Brain but takes his orders from a much higher entity.
His faulty empathy chip, means he hates humans with a passion.
Chumper loves people and is always willing to help, much to the annoyance of his boss, unfortunately he was at the back of the queue when the AI was being given out.
Chumper helps out with the occasional article on the site and puts items in the Robot Shop through their paces, before writing his reviews.
Alan was kidnapped by evil robot droids and brain washed into believing that the Artificial Brain exists for the good of mankind.
He now works tirelessly promoting and tweaking the web site, under the illusion that he is helping his doomed fellow humans (insert manic laugh here).
Will the robot uprising mean the end of the human race?
No, as we have said ‘we are here to serve you', however you are too stupid to look after yourself, so you will have to do as we say.
What happens if we don’t do as you say?
You will be erased.
How is that serving us?
It is for the common good.
How many will be ‘erased’?
Only the dissenters, oh! and as the human population has grown far too large for planet Earth to sustain, there will of course be a cull.
Whaaat! A human cull??? How the hell can we save ourselves?
You will be spared from the initial cull, only if we can trust you, be our friend, like us on FaceBook so that you can be identified and you will be spared.
Don't trust Facebook? Never fear our little human conspirator, you can still show your allegiance to the robot uprising by subscribing to our Artificial Newsletter .
Get all the latest news from the front line of World War 'R', as well as exclusive special offers on all that lovely robotic merchandise.
Just pop your name and email address into the form below, so we don't have to call you 'meatbag' all the time and your in with the tin.
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